I don't really care if he likes it, stop touching the dog's willy.

to: nearly 4 year old
why: because she's interested by the bits that dangle and those that don't.

it's not nice to deliberately fart in the dogs face

to: 3.5 year old
why: because daddy told her it was funny to stick her bum in front of the dog's nose and pass gas!

Now your sock will turn into swiss cheese if Ebby gets it.

to: 3.5 year old
why: as encouragement to keep her socks on her feet so that yet another pair is not reconfigured by our 9 month old puppy.

How did your poo get to be bright green!?

to: 3.5 year old, who had, the day before, been fueled by black icing off her halloween gingerbread house
proof: mum's have to be detectives in order not to panic!

Please do not speak and talk at the same time.

to: 3 1/2 year old who is eating and talking at the same time
why: because it's the end of a long day and I'm a little confused :-)

Emmy, eat your sandwich not your buckle.

Said: To 2.5 year old
Why: Typical table talk

Come on now guys, the plastic fish is not for dogs.

to: 8 month old puppies and a plastic fish